isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
home. puking in laundry basket.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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