Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
