bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
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Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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