Buhtt sex?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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