i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
