Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
