i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
