what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
