I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
