How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
