I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
