Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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