If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
