the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize