he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
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So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
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But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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