Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
