i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
