Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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