Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
