Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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