i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
