Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
