if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
This toilet bowl is my home.
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