i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
