Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
