there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize