she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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