Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
