Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
