You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize
