garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
