Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
