ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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