I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
