did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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