Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
