Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
