omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
