im drinking this country out of the recession.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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