dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
