what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
