My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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