i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
