I think I am morally bankrupt
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
