I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
This beer is not sobering me up at all
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
