She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
