he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
