she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
