I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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