This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
