i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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