I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
