If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
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i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
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I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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