u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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