I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
