There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
