I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
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the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
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It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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