just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
This is my gift to your gina
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
