HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
