Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
