no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
