i permit you to call me
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
