So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
