i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
