I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
