Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
