i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
