I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
