Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
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You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
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And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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