Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
