and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
